alleybaggett.net ~ View topic

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Apr 2009 Posts: 1023

I’m currently writing a story about a trio of mercenaries who from an unlikely source change for the better (internally, they remain “hired hands” throughout the entire story) after almost falling apart.

It is still in its early developmental stages (i.e. missing details, misspelling, grammatical errors, ect.). I try to correct them when I find them however I’m in deployment for the US Army so my time I have to write is very limited.

I would be forever grateful for any help given, be it ideas for missions, characters (any type main, background, ect. I would be happy to include any fursonas that anyone wants to have added), I would love the help of proofreaders to help me fix errors or suggest corrections and even additions.

For those interested here is some information:

ShadowFox: a fox and experienced mercenary who is the unofficial leader of the trio
Coloring: majority jet black fur with crimson red and white accents (all dyed and explained in story)

KrystalBlaze: a vixen that is unsure of her feelings about ShadowFox (needs more character development). The second mercenary
Coloring: cerulean blue and white fur and cobalt blue hair

Ordo: an ex-spec. ops. human (at the moment) soldier and friends to ShadowFox. The third mercenary

Thank you for any help and/or support
Joshua “ShadowFox” Conley

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 2311

What sort of setting is the story? In other words, would it be historical, modern, or futuristic? Would it incorporate fantasy elements, or maybe some sci-fi? Would all the action take place on a reasonably familiar Earth, or some far off distant world? Sometimes the where and when is just as important as the who...

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Apr 2009 Posts: 1023

It is a modern kind of setting with some futuristic aspects of it. locations are all Earth based however i don't have any specific locations in mind yet.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 2311

Okay, so it's maybe a bit "cyber-punk" (think Blade Runner or the Ghost in the Shell series)?

Also, did you want most of the action to be set in urban environments, or maybe have some in more remote areas?

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Apr 2009 Posts: 1023

At the moment there are both kinds of environments.
It opens in a remote wooded location, the next part I have in mind is in the mountians, and I have it ending in an urban firefight.

This story was different than my others, well for many reasons but mostly because I knew how it ends before I knew how to start it or even to work up to that point.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Apr 2009 Posts: 1023

REMOVED

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/brigwyn/ · Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

If I may make a few suggestions for your story. Perhaps you could make more of the fact that as animals/morphs the characters have more sensitive senses then humans. Sharper eyesight, when not handicapped with glasses, better hearing, canides being more sensitive to higher pitched sounds and of course the sense of smell being of greater importance then taste or sight.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Apr 2009 Posts: 1023

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/brigwyn/ · Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

Sorry,

one more thing in your story you refer to the Collie character's "snout" which is more in keeping with reference to a pig or similar animal. Perhaps muzzle would be a better discription.

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Apr 2009 Posts: 1023

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Apr 2009 Posts: 1023

Here is the new location for my story.

http://shadowconley.deviantart.com/gallery/#ShadowFox-Story

I have started breaking it up into chapters and done some minor editing.

Please read it and let me know what ideas or comments you have about it.

Thank you. Smile

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/brigwyn/ · Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

I have read the first chapter, very good indeed. Curious

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Apr 2009 Posts: 1023

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/brigwyn/ · Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 2914

I don't think its that. Like myself it is just finding the time to sit down and read, digest and of course comment on the story. I am sure others will offer ther opinions on your story it just takes time. At least they haven't said it sucks. Twisted Evil

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Apr 2009 Posts: 1023

Royal Member of BonBon Joined: 05 Apr 2009 Posts: 1023

I have noticed that for some odd reason Ch. 1 & 3 both have the same number of views but Ch 2 only has half that number.

Can anyone shed some light on that one?